How to Give a Cat a Bath..Again
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Copyright ©
1999-2001 [S.Sackett-Squeaky Sam's]
1. First .... dress for the occasion. A 4-ply rubber
wet suit is suggested, along with a helmet, face mask and welders gloves.
2. A Bathtub with a glass enclosure is preferred to the one with
a shower curtain. A frenzied cat can shred one of these in about 2.5 seconds.
3. Have the Kitty Bubbles and towel in the enclosed bathtub area
before hand. No ... blow drying the cat after the bath is not suggested.
4. Draw the water, making it a little warmer than needed as you
still need to find the cat. Position everything strategically in the shower, so
you can reach it even if you are face down or prone in the tub.
5. Find your cat. Use the element of surprise. Pick the cat up,
nonchalantly as if you were simply carrying him/her to the supper dish. No need
to worry about the cat noticing your strange attire... the cat barely notices
you anyway.
6. Once you and the cat are inside the bathroom ... speed is
essential. In one single liquid motion shut the door to the bathroom, step into
the shower, close the sliding doors, and drop the cat into the water. While the
cat is still in a state of shock, locate the Kitty Bubbles and squirt whatever
part of him is above the water line. You have just begun the wildest 45 seconds
of your life. Remember that cats have no handles and add the fact that he now
has soapy fur. His state of shock has worn off and he's madder than a wet
hornet.
7. As best, you can, wearing welder's gloves, try to field his
body as he catapults through the air toward the ceiling. If possible, give
another squirt of Kitty Bubbles with his body now fully exposed.
8. During the 5 seconds you are able to hold onto him, rub
vigorously. No need to worry about rinsing. As he slide down the glass
enclosure into the tub, he will fall back into the water, rinsing himself in
the process.
9. Only attempt the lather and rinse process about 3 times. The
cat will realize the lack of traction on the glass by then and will use the
next attempt on the first available part of you.
10. Next, the cat must be dried. No...this is NOT the easiest
part. By this stage, you are worn out and the cat has just become
semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. We suggest here that you drain the
tub and in full view of your cat reach for the bottle of Kitty Bubbles.
11. If you have done step 10 correctly, the cat will be off your
leg and hanging precariously from your helmet. Although this view of the cat is
most disgusting, he will be in a much better position for wrapping the towel
around him.
12. Be sure cat is firmly wrapped in towel before opening tub
enclosure. Open bathroom door ... put towel wrapped cat on floor and step back
quickly. Into tub, if possible, and do not open enclosure until all you can see
is the shredded towel.
13. In about 2 hours .... it will be safe to exit the bathroom.
Your cat will be sitting out there somewhere looking like a small hedgehog
while plotting revenge.
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04/14/2005